And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
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