Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
