so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
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