Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
