Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
