I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
