Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
that is very illegal...i love you.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
