its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
