It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Randomize
