around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
Slut skills are useful in every country.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
you never un-have a 4some
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
