You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Randomize
