i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Randomize
