I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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