you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
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