i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
I think my moral compass just broke
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
