We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
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