I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
