Buhtt sex?
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
