Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
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