Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
