So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Randomize
