You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
