So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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