Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
It all started with a game of naked twister.
He shit in the fireplace
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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