Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
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