Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Randomize
