My Higher Power is John Stamos
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
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