pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
