By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
