Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
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