One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Randomize
