it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Bring me that man meat
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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