i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
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