im gay
i know
yea but for you.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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