I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Randomize
