i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
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