let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
Randomize
