every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
