i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Randomize
