just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
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