your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
