it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Randomize
