Plan B is the new Plan A
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize
