Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Randomize
