when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
I have surprise drugs for everyone
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
