I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
This is my gift to your gina
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
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