Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
