just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
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