I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Randomize
