Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
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