I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
