I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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