Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
