Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
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