I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
