Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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