So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
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