dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Randomize