He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
do nipples grow back?
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