Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
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