Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
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