her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize