I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Randomize
