sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
The air was thick with penises
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Randomize
