Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Randomize
