At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Randomize
