he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
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