Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Randomize
