So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
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