My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Randomize
