They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Randomize
