Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
