i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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