how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
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