I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
