I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Randomize