final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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