I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Randomize
