I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Randomize
